i can't believe i had my finger in that
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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