Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
