I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
