Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
