I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
