when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
