every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
