he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
