My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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