We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Randomize
