i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
