my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
