Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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