You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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