I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
