We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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