My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
