My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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