i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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