The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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