We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
