He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
