Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
