I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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