I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's always time for handjobs
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
