The maid of honor just puked.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
