I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
