Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
