my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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