In America we eat man semen.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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