K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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