somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
