eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
