nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
