I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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