Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
