oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
