This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We need a shit load of segways right now
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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