I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
