Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
