Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
