White coat. Heels.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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