I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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