His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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