Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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