I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
