I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I believe in your delicious
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
