i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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