the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
