how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
